Quantcast
Channel: the one behind the wings » Military Life
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 11

2015? Already?

0
0

11:19 PM on January 1, 2015, and it’s just starting to hit me that the new year has come. Yes, it’s officially here.

Maybe it was the sleeplessness creeping up on me, maybe it was the lingering hormones from pregnancy and the postpartum craziness, or maybe it was just the cold, harsh reality that the calendar now reads 2015, but I sat there, listening to Taylor Swift, helplessly bawling like a little baby. I mean, yikes. It’s 2015. Already?

Rewind to early February, 2014, sitting on the couch of our former Commanding Officer, jotting down dates for workups, feeling like it would be nothing, like it would be just another few weeks apart, another check in the box. We’d done the time apart thing before, it wouldn’t be a big deal. We would work it out. After all, this is what the military is about: distance and resiliency.

If nothing else, resiliency.

And we did. We made it through all of 2014, spending most likely more nights apart than together, at least in the later part of the year. Between my traveling and his, having him home began to feel like a bonus – like I had the most familiar house guest in the world, a house guest who just happens to father my children and whom I love more than anything. But like all guests, he was only temporary.

As the end of the 2014 workup schedule drew near, the time came to have our little Maggie, and with sincere thanks to the amazing command of VFA-136, he came home early from the final detachment and was there for the entire birth of our daughter and then some. Now, his presence no longer feels like a bonus but instead he has become a staple – an integral part of the family again, not just a “let me defer to mommy”-type presence. He is now the glue that keeps our family together, the voice of love and reason that has kept me sane, and the sweetest, most loving father to our girls.

View More: http://aliszhatchphotography.pass.us/baby-m-little-miss-e

Allow me to digress for a moment: since we’ve welcomed a new blessing to our family, Maggie, I have just felt like I’ve really come into my own as a mother. It just finally feels real, for whatever reason, more real than it has felt before. Now, when Emily looks at me and says, “Mama” – which she’s done for well over a year – it jerks me. It finally feels like “Mom” can be applied to me, rather than my own mother or other women her age (No offense, ma. You’re still young!). Maybe I’m just getting older, or perhaps welcoming a second child has initiated me into some great “I Really Feel Like A Mom” club. Whatever it is, it is perplexingly fulfilling.

That, coupled with having Nick here has made the family – and life in general – feel so wonderfully whole. There is just truly nothing better than that feeling, and I have been drinking up every minute: each time he walks in the door after work and I hear Emily’s feet pounding the floor as she runs to hug him, each time I hear her tack on “Daddy” to the end of her sentences or hear her laughing as he tickles her, or when I see her walking with him to the park, side by side, chatting, as if they’re old friends. And each time I wake up to see that he’s lying next to me and that I’m not completely alone to face the day. Each and every moment is beautiful and fleeting and so precious. The evanescence of time alone brings me to tears, not even considering time marching on without him here.

Out of the twelve months this year, 2015 has gifted us two of those to be together as a family. A rough count of 60 days. When he gets back, Emily will be three years old, Maggie will have just turned one. He will miss Easter, Mothers Day, Independence Day, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. Those are days, months, milestones, and thousands of precious moments with their dad, with my husband, with OUR family, that will so sadly be lost.

So as I sit and reflect on 2015, about a gazillion things run through my mind. One of the most obvious ones is, inevitably: can I do this? Am I strong enough to get out of bed every day and handle this all on my own? Can I raise my children alone, manage a household, and still manage to love and live fully every day?

Truthfully, I have no clue. There is no precedent in order to know for sure. But I believe that I can. I know I can. Why? Because I have to. I chose this man, this life, this challenge.

One last bit: my good friend’s husband is currently deployed and she has two children as well, and she seems to handle most of the challenges of deployment like a champ. I’ve recently straight up asked her how she does it, because from afar, just looking at the big picture, it all appears so daunting, and I have hope that she’ll share with me some reassurance. Her answer is always, “You just do it.”

So, 2015, I can’t say that I’m thrilled to see you. The clock ticking down and that silly ball dropping was not exactly welcomed around here. But I suppose, ready or not, I must be prepped and primed to take you on. You will surely be a challenge, but as with most challenges, I will take it day by day,

Day by day, my friends. Day by day.

Until next time!



Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 11

Latest Images

Trending Articles





Latest Images